I'm feeling super depressed right now. I really don't know what's wrong with my ankle. I think I might have pulled a muscle but my mum says it's bruised. My ankle's currently wrapped in a towel filld with an ice pack. I'm just hoping an ambulance comes and takes me away and the medics replace my ankle with some other stronger ankles.

I just feel like nothing. Missing the trainings. Missing the sweat. Missing the exhaustion. It feels so damn good after all the pushing and guidance from the instructors. All I want to do now is to get my ankle better so I'll stop feeling so down. I feel like beating myself up for causing such an unnecessary injury.

I know people are thinking that I'm so weak to be having such a minor injury. I really want to go for training now but others are telling me not to because I might worsen the injury and I should just stay at home to let it rest. And I'll so see myself sulking the whole night tonight. Urgh, I feel so useless right now.

I'm a fighter, not a loser.

FML.


My condolences to the demise of Mike Tyson's 4 year old daughter and especially to FJ's canoe instructor. Sorry FJ, didn't mean to joke about it just now, but you know how excited we broz get? God bless you all.

Chao.

Currently watching Fighting Spiders right now. I think it's quite a decent local production despite some poor acting but overall it's a good show. Not at all over-dramatic and everyone's stories just fit in nicely.

I actually watch it because I found out my former tuition teacher is acting in it when I happened to read the credits and I think he's pretty good at it. Who'd have known my maths tuition teacher is so cool and so costly at the same time!

Every week, he rides his bike to my house to give me tuition. Now, how many tuition teachers out there actually rides a motorbike to your house? I bet none of your tuition teachers are as cool as mine. And by the way, my tuition teacher is already married with a kid. How awesome is that. I think he has a cool name too. GO figure.

I think the cast of Fighting Spiders are a not bad looking bunch. The show is pretty nice. And... I've nothing more to say about it.

So let's update about my life thus far. I'm totally doing fine at school, fine as in I'm okay going to school and being in school. Results-wise, I think I'm not that fine.

I'm just still not with the idea of us design students having to go through the 1st semester doing common foundation. I don't like the fact that I'm doing something that I so didn't sign up for and nothing my mum paid for. If it's common foundation for our individual courses and is relevant, then why not. But I think if we've to actually mix around with people from other courses for common foundation which I think is super unnecessary, then I think it's ridiculous and the school is wasting my bloody time.

If ever I grow up to be a toy maker, wire sculptor or any other 3D model maker, then go ahead and sue me. I registered myself as a Singapore Polytechnic student pursuing a Diploma in Creative Media Design. Not Games Design, not Product Design.

Go ahead, fail me for modules I don't excel in. Fail me for my disinterest and my lack of participation. See if I care. Maybe I will care in the long run but for now, I'm going to be a stubborn bitch and you all can kiss my ass! Right, broz?

My broz and I are badasses. Ah, this is the life.



These are us weeks ago.

Chao.

I'm in need of a new pair of ankles. Especially a right ankle. I think my right ankle is about to give way anytime soon and if it does, it'd probably be my 10 millionth to murder it.

I don't want to injure myself now! It's not the right time to be injured. I don't want to train with injuries. Bruises on my body are fine, but to have a sprained ankle is not nice at all. I want my ankles to be okay!

Whee, blisters are coming out of my toes. So exciting. Not.

I want my legs to be fully functional! I don't want to be a limp. Goodness gracious. I'm trying to do something right here for once but nuuuuuuuuuuuu, I end up being beaten up again. It's like one step forward, 2 steps back kinda thing. Urgh.

I've got submission tomorrow but I've yet to do anything about it. Zakk, please focus. Stop procrastinating. Stop being distracted. Stop blogging.

Chao.

All I wanted was to spend a little more time with you. But you brushed me away. (Not that you actually did, but it was obvious that you didn't want me around.)

All I wanted was to know that you're around whenever I come home. But I rarely witness that. (Should I even call it home in the first place? I'm being treated like a fucking tenant of the house. No, tenant is an overstatment. I'm being treated like a nobody.)

Have you ever felt unwanted? Or neglected? Or just lonely? I bet all of you have felt like that before at least once or twice if not more. It's stupid of me to be feeling like so because I've many friends. But then again, they're just friends, they're not servants, maids or what not. You don't just call them whenever you please. They don't just appear right in front of you to cater to your nonsense.

I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy every single fucking day of my life. I want to enjoy my life. It's really fucking annoying when some of you try to bring me down. It's not nice. I don't like it when you do that. I don't do that to you so why should you?

Things aren't just what they seem. All your body language speaks otherwise. I know. I really do. I can read you eyes. It's really easy to read between the lines, and lies.

I know I'm not the perfect daughter, niece, granddaughter, sister, cousin, relative or friend. But I try my very best to be there for everyone whenever I can. I don't just leave you guys alone or get cranky when I'm not in the mood. Even if I do, of course I'll inform you all first so at least I'll be bugged less.

All I ask is for you to be in my shoes for just a minute or two. You have bad days, so do I. I want to get my life back. I'm really trying very hard to put the pieces back together. I want to be happy and smile again and actually mean it. I don't need your sympathy but all I ask for is a little patience and maybe your guidance, if it's appropriate. I don't ask for a lot though I may be a little bit demanding at times.

I just wish my guardian angels were visible, that is if I've any in the first place. So at least when I run and hide from the world, I still have somebody to talk to. Someone I can confide in anytime, anywhere.

I need a moment to get my life back together. It's just how I'm feeling right now.

Chao.

I'm feeling sleepy and the bed is calling me. However, it's too early to go snooze now. Besides, I think my phone will start to ring like mad once it strikes midnight because, well just because.

Thanks guys for coming just now if not I'd be feeling so suicidal. Wahahaha! I invited like more people but they couldn't come due to whatever reasons they have. Their loss, not mine. To think that you guys live miles away from me and making all the effort to travel leagues to my place just to see my pretty face is awesome. I love you guys to the freaking max okay, you freaking west/north-sider people!

My butt aches from sitting on my chair for too long and I want to sit on the bed but my guitar and Adi's bass is on the bed. I'm so lazy to shift the guitars to their stands. Oh please fly back to your own stands, please!

Goodnight people and a very happy birthday to myself. I hope.


Chao.

Death.


What is death? Do only the dead know? But, dead men tell no tales. Right?


Do we wait for it? Or does it actually wait for us? Then again, do we live for death? We live to die? And again you ask. Why?


So, God is fooling us? Is he toying around with us? For those non-believers, think about it. If you've no God, then what are you living for? For most of us believers, we believe that we're all here for a reason; we've been sent by God to complete a task, to achieve something, to accomplish our purpose in life. Whatever that is, I leave you and God to decide between yourselves.


Isn't life wonderful?


Don't you feel blessed to be alive and breathing?


Life is what you make it. It's yours to live.


Mistakes are there for a reason. Never let the bastards hold you down.


Hi Hong Wei! You skinny, tall person. I've decided to post a picture of you online because you called me -. However, I think this picture doesn't do me any justice in getting back at you because you actually look good in it. Urgh. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Wahahaha!

Chao.

I'll blog soon. I promise! I'm not busy with school. I've been doing a lot of last minute work but don't we all? Whenever I go online, I stare at my own blog, then I'll proceed to surfing pornother websites. I don't see any point in updating my life on the internet and letting other people know about it. It's weird.

Something like "Hey guess what, I had sex with Peter last night! Adam was better though." kinda thing is not my thang you know. I meant the way I update, not like the sleeping-with-random-guys thing and tell you how it went. Roar.

I miss jamming with the boys. Abang, if you're reading this, I WANT TO JAM AND SING BEST OF YOU AGAIN BECAUSE I FINALLY MEMORISE THE LYRICS! Yes, I secretly miss and love my brother, please don't tell him. Wahahaha. Yes, I know I'm an ultimate bitch to my brother at times BUT, that's what sisters are for right? Yes, I miss the band. I miss singing. I miss Kamal and his shredding. I miss Syafiq and his Taylor Swift. I miss my brother and his annoying "ber-feeling" drumming. I want to jam! You hear me?! Urgh.


Yes, my nose is huge. I'm going to get a nose job when I'm old enough to get one. The picture's just an update on how I currently look like. Still free of plastic-surgery. Look at it while it lasts. I'm earning my first million soon so it'll be a major makeover. Whee.

Chao.