Earlier this evening, I concluded with a friend that people move on because they have nothing left to take from you. They leave because you've given them so much until you have nothing else to offer. In other words, I wasn't the one to leave you, but you left me because you're done making use of me, taking everything you're able to grab away from me.

And I'm not saying these within the context of relationships, but it could also happen with friendships as well. I feel incredibly weirded out and disappointed, yet I'm quite glad I'm able to discern the situations that are/have unfolding/unfolded before me.

I feel proud of myself, honestly, but I can't seem to grasp how I've overlooked it over the past months. And, I feel slightly disturbed by it.

On another note, dealing with a mental health issue isn't the easiest thing right now. I had a hunch I could be bipolar but after doing a little bit of reading and talking to some people, I realised that I've been missing out on the other spectrum of hypomania to be so - the extreme happiness one.

I've stopped being in denial that it's there and I'm only now learning acceptance. It's a struggle, really and I think the only way I'm able to overcome it is to simply embrace it. Yeah, it does come with a hefty price and some scars, but I wake up every day and look down, whilst thinking to myself, "I'm 22 years old. I need to be mature about this because it's happening. I need to stop lying to myself."

It's also hard when I appear to be the most "normal" one in the family, but that's another story for another post, that is if I choose to share about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it upsets me so much when things don't go my way. When I'm not in control.

I feel pathetic, useless, hopeless and fucked up.