I've so many things I want to blog about but I don't know if I should even blog about them in the first place. I haven't written for more than a year and I know that I've always been meaning to write but something keeps holding me back.

Maybe I'm avoiding the whole -crying myself to sleep- afterwards. Speaking of which, I'm losing my bedroom for awhile and am being forced to move into my brother's room. The last thing my mother said to me was that I was never going to get my room back because she wants to turn it into a home office.

Wow.

My sanctuary. My little personal space, taken away from me without my knowledge at all.

I feel like I don't belong anymore. I don't even belong in my own home.

I've been stripping myself away from everyone and it feels okay? I struggle less to wake up every day now, because I think I'm in love. Things haven't been easy with myself and I hate myself for it. I don't want to sleep because of the nightmares, and I don't want to wake because I don't want to live.

How can I love someone if I don't love myself? How do I love someone if I'm not at peace with myself?

At least, if I die tonight, I'll die knowing that I already told him that I love him.