My face at 4am, designing stuff. Clearly, I don't function well sitting in front of a laptop using design software to well, design.

Chao.

All the best for your internship! Embrace these three months while they last. You'll be alright.

Maybe I've just restored a little faith in myself in believing in a higher power. That tiny spark that still beams and is hopeful.

That someday, things will be better.

A little faith is all we need. If not in a high power, then in ourselves.

Every day I wish to see you.
In tears but powerful.

Every day I wish to see you.
Screaming but unaware.

Every day I wish to see you.
Sing to the skies but mute.

Every day I wish to see you.
Drunk but emotionless.

Every day.

On a much positive note, I had a TEDxcellent weekend with one of the most amazing team of people. TEDx Youth Day 2011 was a success and wow, it has been one hell of a mad journey getting here. Seeing so many tired but happy faces at the end of the day makes me content, though the thought of my ankle possibly acting up wavered in my mind the whole day, because I was walking, crawling, sneaking around taking photos. Break (or whenever available) time was seen me walking around feeding team mates with the fried rice I made at 5am that morning. Ah, the look on their faces after every bite, and having them chase me afterwards to have another bite, makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. They love my fried rice.

Anyway, I feel like a proud mum saying this, but I'm so proud of Sad (and the team) for running the event so well and successful. I've never felt more fulfilled to be part of such a project before so I thank you (and the team) for this wonderful opportunity.

It was great (and sometimes crazy-bad) while it lasted so it's now back to normal life again.

Wait, what life?

Chao.

Sometimes, you really have no idea what I'm going through, and neither do I want to brag about it because it's no concern of yours.

I mean it when I say I need my space so give it to me. Yes, you've given me this space but obviously not entirely, because you don't fucking trust the fuck out of me at all and it's these minor things that piss the fuck out of me and make me lose all my focus.

I really wished you'd see things from my point of view and not just assume I'm going to fail at life. I try so hard to make you understand but you're so reluctant to stand in my shoes. Open your eyes and see that grades aren't going to get me far. Open your eyes and see that everything I do now, reflects what I want to do in future. It won't pay much but all I want is an honest living.

I'm not asking for anything more.

She undresses me like no one ever did.
Like a mother, and I'm her baby, she strokes and caresses my face.
She shows no disinterest in wanting me.
Close to her bosom, I feel her heart pace.

An escape so unreal and real at the same time.
I draw myself forward, leaning towards her warmth.
She runs her fingers through my hair, she backcombs it.
This sudden belonging, where is it coming from?

I feel her need for my presence.
But what do I exactly have to offer?
What is left of me and what does she want?
Her back so smooth but yet, with so many lines to uncover.

She pulls away and leaves an old, grey photograph.
She leaves, nothing. Nothing but a faint memory.
Of her slender figure, her neat brows, her light footsteps.
She vanishes. I can't recall. Nothing. No story.

I'm awake but I feel no pulse, no heartbeat, no life.
I speak but with no intention to make a sound.
I gaze but with no intention to search.
I touch, I feel for anything, but I stumble and fall to the ground.

Please.

Make the pain go away.

Just one time in my life, I wish to be sick like everybody else. A 3-5 day fever with an official medical certificate to cover up for my absence in school. Not this. Not me, walking around with a limp, every day of my life. Okay, I may not look like I'm walking with a limp, but damn the amount of pain it takes for me to look like I can walk normally.

I don't know which one's worse to be honest. To be limping, or wheezing? Gosh, I'm quite an expensive kid to bring up. For all the wrong reasons, I suppose?

Chao.

Resonate, ring, alarm.
Let fears only be some.

Parcels begging with surprise.
Endless equations they'll derive.

Tight, pretty shoes are purple.
Hurt themselves but never verbal.

Rusted nails warm like glue gun.
Dying alone, stick to none.

Glasses break, papers tear.
Once tough like monkeys' hair.

Exceptionally white and bright.
While pure, but is that alright?

Apple crumble, pull yourself together.
Chocolate bar, you're breaking all over.

You can't really tell but my hair is really soft and smooth tonight.

Chao.

We're makin' out alright.