We lay, cold and bare.
Like wild beasts, alive and unaware.
Cravings initiate mutual friction.
Reality, absent and inefficient.

Collision furthers beings and wants.
Needs forgotten as it hunts.
Irregularity provokes familiar paces.
Increasing pressure induces faces.

Stop fucking putting the blame on me. I know I'm a disgrace. A disappointment. But can you please stop putting the blame on me? I'm already putting my best efforts not to fall apart. For you, for the family. I'm trying to be strong for you. I want to be the best I can. But please, can you give me a break.

Abang, can you please come home and stay with me forever? I really cannot take it anymore. I need you to protect me. I have no one else but you. Abang, please? I beg you. I need you so bad.

These tired eyes are open.
Open but they see nothing.
Open, tired, red eyes.
What exactly is happening?

Hey, I hate to break it to you guys, but I've decided to close this blog down. For real this time.

 

No one's responding. I'm busy with school. I've other responsibilities. And, I'm getting pretty lazy to be bothered to update you guys about my emo lifez.

I know this is meant to be an online journal where I write down my thoughts and what nots, with people secretly reading and stuff. No one's supposed to be replying or acknowledging their existence on my blog.

However, this IS the Internet we're talking about. I know who reads this space so there's no need for you to hide. Okay fine, I only know a handful who bothers to read all this but I want to know more. Well, perhaps you don't want to be known. I'm okay with anonymous taggers. I'm a people person. I like people. I'm supposed to. I think?

So, yes. My next blog post is going to be my last one. Well, unless I've nothing to blog about, this post will be my last then. Maybe, you guys would want to leave questions for me to answer for my finale post or want me to talk about something or I can help you promote yourself or anything. I'm easy, you know? Tell me.

PS, WHAT THE FUCK DOES PS MEAN?! And erm, my "enter" button is kinda half-stuck. I think something's stuck underneath. Must be food particles. Zakk you beech, I told you to stop eating in front of your laptop already. As a matter of fact Zakk, you're so fat already. Perhaps you should seriously consider putting eating on hold, then the children in Africa wouldn't have to starve. You know?

Okay, why must you be so mean to me?! What the fuck, beech.

No seriously. What does PS mean? And RSVP?

And, STFU?

Chao.

 

I'm terribly sad right now. Feeling so down. I've not smiled the whole day.

Life's so unnecessary.

Hugs, anyone? Jokes to share? I'm just a phonecall/text away.

I want to talk to you. Again.

The thought has been etched in my head for quite some time already. And I pretty much know what's keeping me from making the first move.

Ego.

Yes, I'm a fat chick with ego. But superficiality aside, I think we can do this again? Can we be friends again?

We used to do so much together. I think my friends got jealous but we didn't really care, did we? Well, I sort of did in the long run and now, we're like this. We don't acknowledge each other though we know that we both actually exist behind that computer screen.

I'm sorry.

I've to admit though, if anyone'd pay me money to make the first move, I'd do it for sure. Yes, I'm that much of a jerk. Please shoot me.

Gah, I bet you wouldn't want to have any relation to me anymore because of how fucked up I've become. And I don't blame you. I'd hate me too. Because I think in fact, I actually do hate myself.

It was you who told me to do the best I could. You helped me a whole lot and I want to give it back. You know? Give and take?

I'm sorry we drifted apart so abruptly. Okay, drift and abrupt contradict each other and should never be used in the same sentence. Pardon my bad English. You're the one who's better at it than I am and will ever be.

Ahh. Do you even know what I'm talking about?!

You probably hate me now. Oh well. Tough luck. But then again, I really hope you're happy with your new friends and old friends who've actually stuck by you throughout (unlike useless me, pfft). I wish you well, stay safe and be good.


I love you.

Chao.

 

UK. Eye miz yew er lawtz. Sea yew suun.

Chao.

 

I likez diz kitty.

Chao.

 

I just had my brunch. My mother woke me up because she insists she wants to hug me before she leaves for KL. -.- Anybody want to come over for a visit? Chat me up for coffee/tea? Have a quickie, perhaps? Or organise a party? Just come over and keep me company! Because I'm worth itbored.

Please update me on any plans you guys have so I can butt myself in or just hang around.

Today's the 2nd official day of quarantine. I'm going crazy staying at home. My mother doesn't allow me to go outside. However, she's in KL now, so maybe sneaky me can actually go out without her knowing. *Giggles.

Alright, I've got an essay to complete and it has to be emailed to my lecturer by 4pm today. Pray for me that I complete it in time and not be late in submission and earning myself a big ass zero for this assignment okay.

Chao.

Quit the cries you magnify.
In disbelief, they deceive,
Your right to justify.

If you must relate to create,
the size of your lies.
You never will appreciate.

Fiction beholds within reality.
Merge the absence as an essence.
Forge like one with insanity.


This is my 500th post on this blog. Maybe I should go celebrate on my own, since I can't possibly celebrate with my blog. Right?

I had great fun today, catching up with the secondary school friends. How time flies and how we grow up so fast. Hope they had great fun teasing me, and of course I had my fair share of teasing the others as well.


Chao.

The waves are gone, as the edges grew.
They wondered of their existence but no one knew.

I want a sewing machine badly.
I want to make my own clothes.
I want a lifetime supply of coloured markers.
I want a lifetime supply of sketchbooks too.
I want to dye my hair a crazy colour.
I want to go to London again!
I want that hairband from Jin NOW!

I want, I want, I want. Now.

But to have you within my reach.
To embrace the sanity that I preach.
Thus harmony within myself and the rest.