I'm so tired now and I've got homework to do, but I'm not doing anything about it now. Why? Because I'm lazy.

I hate that I've to actually go to work on school days because I need the money. Not for shopping/splurging purposes. But because I've got responsibilities. Since young, I've always told myself to be independent, so I don't be "needy" or too reliant on others. It's probably due to the fact that I was brought up as such, to think that the world doesn't revolve me, and I don't have to revolve around others. I live my life the way I want to, so leave me alone.

I don't wish to work during the weekends because I need to sleep. School is really crazy for me this year (not that it has never been). I detest school starting at 8am (almost every fucking single day) but if that's what it's going to take to get me my diploma in 2 years' time (and then on to my degree for another 1-2 years), then bring it on.

Fuck all this shit. I'm pms-ing right now and it's not good. Pms is never good for anyone.

My mum just reached home, it's 1.40am by the way. She came into my room and raised her voice at me asking me why I'm not asleep yet. I told her I was doing my work. Yeah, sure. But be in my shoes for a minute here. Why the fuck are you back so late?

Well, obviously there's a lot more I wish to type here but no, I need my privacy. My thought will always and forever just stay in my head and never leave.

Being alone is good. I like to be alone. In a quiet corner. It leaves me with a sense of security, somehow. I observe my surroundings and then I try to make sense of everything. Of why the world exist. Of why I exist. Being alive is truly a gift. But do you treasure it?

Many don't. And it's very obvious because you're not contented with what you have. You look at others and you compare, you pass judgements. And it's not fair, you see.

You know what? One day, we should all just take a break and reflect. And then be thankful for everything. Everything that has happened. Everything positive and negative. The things that made you laugh, the things that made you cry. The regrets, the accomplishments, the whatevers.

And then, if you still refuse to treasure your life, slit your wrists for all I fucking care.

Chao.

I should be sleeping right now because I've to wake up super early tomorrow to meet Kelly at 730am at Serangoon and the rest at Harbourfront at 8am. I'm so excited about the trip but anxious at the same time.

BECAUSE I'M FUCKING NOT FEELING WELL.

KHAIRI WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DID YOU PASS ME YOUR MARS(it's a secret sickness, but a real one of course)!

The other day Khairi was unwell, but because he is my brother, I let him drink my green tea. I thought I was immuned to him! But but, my voice never got better (it has been pretty sore for a few days already and I sound really sexy, thanks Khairi!) and then today, my throat hurts a little, and my nose is a little more leaky than usual.

I'm depressed.

I've downed 4 panadols in less than an hour in a desperate attempt to get well as soon as possible but I'm still wasting the earth's resources and spamming tissues to absorb all the liquid streaming down my nostrils. Not cool at all, I tell you.

I'm thinking of taking another 2 more and then fainting on my bed so I can finally sleep and wake up well tomorrow. But will it help? What if I fall asleep and never wake up? Will I overdose? But I really want to get well and have fun tomorrow.

Meow. I feel horrible.


Yeah, that's my cousin, Adli, who just turned 1 about 2 days ago and at the tender age of 1, he has already learned how to give a "WTF" expression. Such an amazing cousin, I know. He takes well after his awesome cousin coughMEcough.

That "WTF" expression is the expression I'll give Khairi the next time I see him. Because of him, I'm in this awful state right now. And because of the awful state I'm in right now, I've decided that I should take another dose of panadols and then faint on my bed. AND WAKE UP TOMORROW AT 630AM YES I WILL!


Don't ever mess with me people. Khairi, this is your first and last time passing your MARS to me. Because you're my brother and I love you, I will give you a chance to redeem yourself. Yes, I'm that forgiving because I'm an awesome sister you see. Duh.

And with that, I shall now walk to the kitchen, pop 2 more pills and then head straight to bed! And no, I'm not addicted to medication. Or maybe I am. Nahhhh.

Goodnight everyone.

Chao.

I got bored. So I went through all 800+ photos on my facebook profile. And then I took a close look at each and everyone of the people in them and I smiled,sometimes I even laughed(yes, to myself).

I'm aware that I'm quite the retarded, idiotic friend to have around and I apologise. I'll try my best to be less of an asshole from now on, okay?

However, I can safely say that, I'm actually quite fortunate to have such friends around me. People walk in and out of your life and that's inevitable. But to those who stayed on and grew up with me, tolerated me, helped me, loved me, I sincerely want to thank you. And I truly hoped I've done(or will do as of right now) the same onto you guys.

I love you all very much.

Chao.

The lyrics are really nice.

Chao.

Tonight I feel a little high, and I don't really have a reason why. Maybe because, I'm crazy or I'm crazy. I don't know. Whatever it is, my laptop is behaving tonight so I can finally type properly, and thus, blog.

My blog is so stagnant and the previous post has probably led you guys to think that I slit my wrists and get myself drunk on a regular basis. No, I don't do that. Or do I? I don't know myself. I'm a little crazy you see. Just a little bit.

I was so cranky the past few days, I couldn't think straight. I hate it when I menstruate. Can I just be a boy already? Pretty please? I don't want to be carrying another life form in my uterus when I get impregnated. It's not a nice feeling, I know. Went through an abortion once. I know man, pretty crazy, betcha guys didn't know. But now you do.

Life's pretty okay for me. Holidays are good. If I'm not sleeping, I'm working. If I'm not working, I'm in school having camps. And then, the usual chill-out sessions. I think my life is pretty cool uh. I'm quite satisfied.

Okay, my mother is about to scream at me to sleep. It's about 2.40am already. I'm truly sorry mum for being one of the worst daughters in the whole entire universe. Oh wait, I forgot, you only have one daughter. So that makes me your worst daughter in the whole entire universe.

Sometimes, I wished I'm actually diagnose with some kind of personality disorder or something so I don't have reason with you and scream at you all the time. I'm that dysfunctional without a doctor's diagnose. I really apologise. I'm really trying my best to be a good daughter. Really. I really have your best intentions at heart. Believe me I do. Everyday I think about the pay I'm about to receive and how much to give you because I know our financial status is really in a horrible state right now. And then again, I think about how much I've to put aside for myself because you and your happiness are more important than my personal interests and hobbies.

But then again. I'm sorry for being totally retarded. I can't help it. I'm that paranoid about everything and anything. That's why I try to avoid you at all costs. I go out 24/7. I spend time with friends. I work. Yeah, I suck at confrontations.

I really hope my boss won't fuck up my this coming pay and I'll hope the money I'm about to give you makes you smile and feel less burdened because let's be honest, me, you and bro totally knows what's going on in this family right now, and it's really, not good right now. But we're holding on you see, and that's what makes us pretty cool. I know man. We're a mental family. But what to do? You gave birth to me and your son, so live with it yo.

Okay, this post is totally not dedicated to my mother. I'm just ranting you see, and the topic just came to mind. I've been a bitch to my mum for the past ALMOST 18 years of my life and it has got to stop.

I think.

Anyway. This is what me and my REAL brother (sorry Khairi!) look like when we sneak out of the house to go have fun. Well, not sneak out actually. You won't around, so technically, I just went out :)


Sorry mum.

Chao.