The nerve of people who act like they've done nothing wrong at all.
But, all's cool on my side.
I'm slowly (but surely) unloading all the unnecessary stress that have rested upon me recently.
I don't know how I should put this, but some people just never fail to make your day. Even if I don't show it (because sometimes I can be so expressionless), deep inside I'm ever so thankful to have these people around. Those simple, minor gestures that might not mean a thing to anyone, but make me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Just earlier this evening, Sad gave me a rose. It was Valentine's Day. I was really, really shocked.
In my almost-20 years of living, I never really thought much of the 14th of Feb. I hated the idea of overpriced gifts for that very one day of the year, I hated the idea of people being too close in front of me, and maybe I hated the idea of love. Maybe.
I mean why get an expensive box of chocolates, when you can get me a cheap kit kat every other day of the year? That I say is love. And perhaps a little bit of sugar rush.
I can't really properly organise my thoughts into words right now but I guess what I'm trying to say was when Sad presented me with a neatly-wrapped rose on the bus this evening, I was.. touched. I know this sounds stupid but I felt like finally someone cared. I never received a rose from anyone before (other than the usual leftovers people give out at the end of the day) so I didn't really know how to react. And okay, I admit that it's a little cheesy and a maybe just a little embarassing.
Like, I don't want to walk around and immediately get judged by people as the girl "in love", "in a relationship", "with a sweet boyfriend" etc, because of the rose in my hand. I know how it feels/felt like to be on the other side, behind the laptop, all #foreveralone and pro-Singles Awareness Day. I felt like I blended in with all the V-Day hoohaa and I didn't want that. I wanted to stand out, without a rose in hand, and tell the world that I don't need a rose to be in love on this day. I want to walk hand in hand with Sad and still show everyone how much I'm in love with the boy without the expensive gimmicks.
But you know what, all the idon'tbelieveinlove aside, I think that it was a really sweet gesture and to know that Sad actually thought of it (and silly me didn't prepare anything for him :\), I'm genuinely very touched and would love to express my wholehearted gratitude on the Internet towards him.
You know that feeling of some kind of need of certainty in life? That hopeful feeling and to actually achieve it? It might be the minor-est or even the major-est thing in life, but one thing's certain is that that "achievement" is here to stay. And dare I say I think I've finally achieved that sense of certainty in the form of my boyfriend.
I'm trying to sound the least naive here and I might sound like I'm a little too old for my own good but I'm finding the need to settle down very appealing. And I don't mean marriage or kids or things to that relation. My term of settling down would be to see myself in a stable relationship with someone whom I see spending my future with (whatever it may be). It's like everyone has a checklist in life and I think I'm this close to checking "settle down". That's how certain and confident I am, if you'd like to know.
I think I've said my piece and I need to rest. Class resumes in a few hours and I need to get it over and done with.
Aren't you glad I blogged about something positive for once? Not that the previous posts have all been negative. Situational-based and how you see things shall determine my level of negativity/positivity in every post. But then again, who's to know, but me?
With that, I leave you an extremely uninteresting photo of myself at 4am in the morning.
Chao.
