Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Is it something like that? I forgot but what the heck. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. Yeah, I just realised it about an hour ago. It really is true.

You only will realise it when you spend one whole hour with one of your best friends on the bus ride home. And then the 2 of you, with earphones on, still can gossip about people, talk about life, share thoughts and camwhore at the same time with her new 3G phone. Adding to that atmosphere, you 2 are feeling cold in the bus because it's raining outside.

It's really not a usual thing to do especially when the 2 of you are from different classes and are of slightly different streams. Like how do you get along so well, being from different classes?

Is spending 30 mins of recess together enough? Is spending 10 mins before assembly together enough? What about the 30 mins after school before the other person goes off for remedials? Is it enough?

And, what about spending an hour on the bus together? Is it really enough?

Have you ever thought about whether it's possible to hold on to such a relationship? I use the word relationship and not friendship, because relationship is a much deeper word and friendship sounds really teeny-bopper. And that is how I feel about her.

Is it really possible to hold on tight to it and not let it go? What if something happens? Somehow, maybe, what if it's time to let go? What if you really don't want to, but you're destined to let it go? All of life's what ifs, and it comes through...

How would you feel about it? How would you handle it? Most importantly, how would she feel about it? How would she handle it? Is she able to cope? Will she be fine?

Suddenly, your head is filled with so many questions, unanswered. Then, is it over?

I wouldn't know how it would feel because it hasn't really happened to me -yet. All good things come to an end. I'm not saying I look forward to endings but it's part and parcel of life right?

You don't get what you want but you yearn for it? What would you do? Do you let it go or work hard for it?

Have you ever stop to think about it? Think about the way you are now, think about how you have changed over the years, think about the way your friends are now, think about how they have changed over the years?

It's strange. Like how you used to think about yourself almost all the time, but when you stop to think (I mean really stop to think). Then, you think about the things around you. Think about the people around you. Your family, your friends.

How would you be without them? Are you able to be where you are now without them? Would you be how you are now, without your mother's constant naggings, without your brother's constant annoyance, without your friends' shoulders, without your friends' constant reminder to tell you to study, without your friends' irritating laughters, without your friends' obnoxiously loud voice?

How would you be like without them? Would you regret it? Or thank God for them?

I thank God for today. For giving me the chance to spend time with her, on the bus, on a rainy day. Rainy days make you stop to think. Rainy days make you really stop to think.

Especially when she walked away, with that big smile of hers, your mind starts to do its thing on you. It plays with your thoughts and shoots you with questions you want answers to.

Sometimes, you feel like just breaking down and cry, sometimes you just smile at it and bottle it up all inside. What would you prefer? Would it do you any good? Would it do her any good?

I don't know.

I don't know if I want answers to my questions. What if my questions require formulas to decipher them? What if the answers are not as I expected? What if my answers are wrong?!

Then, would God just delete me away? Right-click me, and drag me into the recycling bin? And then empty it?

What if your friends did that to you? What if you did that to your friends? Who would God punish? Does he punish people? Or does he send you straight to hell?

I think I'm going to write down a question every night to ask God. Every night, one question in my notebook before I go to bed. And when God is ready to take me, I would bring along that notebook, and ask Him one by one.

Will He provide me with an answer script to copy down the answers? Then would that mean that I'm testing Him? How would He feel about it? Haha.

I think, God is testing us. I think He is doing it on purpose.

Naughty, but innovative in a way.

So, bring a green pen to Heaven when you meet God. Prepare your hands to copy down a whole chunk of corrections, that is, if you got many wrong answers. Haha!

From relationship to rainy day. From rainy day, to thinking. From thinking to God. From God to corrections.

What's it to me? Do I even have the right to talk in the first place? Talk about all this?!

Answer is, I have no fucking idea.

It's a rainy day and I'm lovin' it.

I love her too.



Chao.