So I just returned from a 2D1N trip to Batam to let off some steam, to take my mind off things. And Pra accompanied me for the trip because Sad was unable to make it. The trip was alright but I've to admit I was tired the entire time because Pra and I stayed out the night before we departed so we wouldn't miss the ferry in the morning, knowing our horrible sleeping habits (or lack thereof).

I wanted to be away to stop thinking about things for a day and the sad part was the only thing I thought about was "Is Sad doing okay? I miss him.." I felt so detached from the relationship suddenly because there he is slogging his ass off in Tekong, doing his NS and here I am, taking the weekend off to "let loose", just because. I suddenly felt hopeless when I didn't get to hear him on the phone.

I miss his voice. I miss his scent. I miss the way he holds me.

It sucks that I finally found that someone who wants to hold me just as much as I want to hold him and poof, I get to spend less time with him as our relationship moves forward.

Yes, it's all part and parcel of life. But just at this moment with myself, I feel fucked up.

I feel like I deserve better. I feel like this shouldn't be happening to me.