Earlier tonight in the cab with my mum, she reminded me of the passing of a distant cousin of mine, N, last year, during the fasting month. He was riding on his motorbike with his girlfriend as pillion. She broke her leg, he crashed his ribcage onto the railings. He passed away in the hospital.

If my mum didn't tell me, I would've thought he was still alive and kicking, somewhere in woodlands, where he stayed. I never took all these stories of distant relatives' happenings seriously. It never occurred to me what a loss it was.

He was only nineteen.

Growing up, my grandma used to take me and my brother over to woodlands to my relative's place. It would be me, my brother, N (2 years older than me) and his elder brother, M (same age as my brother). We would run around along the corridors, scream at each other at the void deck and even hog the playstation until sunset (ps2 wasn't out yet, that's how far back it went). I was the only girl. So it would be my brother and M conversing, me and N conversing. But then again, because I was a whiny brat, N usually ignored me and joined the older boys. Meh.

He was sick. As in, physically sick, inside. Something about having a metal rod in his body to function or something. My mum said leukemia. I can't remember. I was so young and N was like any other malay boy. Soccer-playing, friendly and active.

We weren't that close but think about it. Life is really that precious. One silly move, and your time is up. You think, yeah I'm finally dead, I hate my life on earth. But what about those you left behind? Can you imagine how your loved ones feel?

N passed away at a young age of 19, leaving behind his grandparents, parents, 3 older brothers and an older sister. He was the youngest.

I actually don't know how to feel about this. It's been almost a year. I must have not being listening when the news broke.

With that, I can bid my bike license goodbye. I still want to take it. But I'm sure to be reminded of N's passing, everytime (until maybe I suddenly forget). Even if you wear a helmet to protect your head, your body isn't. And even if you're riding your bike at a steady speed on the left lane, a reckless car driver might just swerve in, hit you and leave you lying on the ground, helpless. Things happen, even when we're careful.

So what now you ask me?

You tell me.

Chao.